Where's My Mommy Syndrome

    It's about time I write about my childhood. Now, as a young adult, I believe I have a better understanding for what happened when I was a small child and the affect certain events have had on my behaviour and choices throughout my life.
    My father was and is a very strict, rightwing, religious man and he always said there was an addictive spirit on my mother's side of the family and to be careful not to make the same choices my mother made... Part of me thinks this was part of his oh so righteous plan to keep me from my mother's side of the family.
    They divorced when I was three. And he had a way of making her out to be the bad guy but, the truth is that, there is addiction on both sides of my family. My Father and his relatives have plenty of shadows that are left unspoken of at family reunions...
    My Mother, on the other hand, was the light of my life. The joy she created in my very sweet child hood radiated like her spirit; Warm, sunny, soft and full of laughter. She was easy to get along with but, don't get me wrong, you didn't want to fuck with her family or what was a sweet, innocent loving woman became a bat out of hell. She's always had a tough side to her. Im glad to have inherited that.
    Her family life was lacking in the area of emotional presence and support, much like how my life ended up as a result of her going away. She had an addiction to meth. She would do good for a few years, three years she could be clean. Then it would take her under and I wouldn't see her again. She went to prison when I was about 4 years old.
    Until now, at 23 years old, she has been in and out of prison. Three years has been a repetitive mark for her, and now that her health is failing her and she has two grand children, she's finally decided herself, "too old for that bull shit". Yup, that's my mum.
    I hated her, y'know, for a long time. For not being there. For choosing drugs over me and my sister. For destroying our family with her selfish choices... But one day that all changed.
    I ran away from home, my step mother and father wouldn't let me be with a boy I fell head over heels for. I was 15. I was supposed to meet him somewhere and I walked 10 miles in the rain to meet him. When I reached the meetup location, I called to see where he was; he told me to go home. My parents had called the police, they knew he was involved and he didn't want to go to jail.
   Cold, drenched, alone and hard as stone, I called the only person I knew couldn't judge me or belittle me. I called my mom. She had a car at the time and had been out of prison for a couple years. She wasn't far, maybe 10 minutes drive and she came to pick me up. She fed me, bathed me and clothed me. And she waited for ME to be ready to call my father and step mom to let them know I was safe and tell them where I was. She listened to my story, my thoughts and my beliefs. And told me I was right for what I believed in and that, unfortunately, I was just too young to move out and pursue my dreams yet but not to give up on them. And that meant a lot to me.
    Legally, I couldn't stay with my mother until I was 18 years old. I wanted to stay with her, I couldn't stand living at home anymore. But there was no way to do that without the consent of my father. Which he would not agree to it over his dead body. And rightly so. My mother went to prison about a year later for more drug charges when I was 16.
    But this time was different. I didn't get mad, I didn't write her any mean letters. I was disappointed, of course, but something happened the day I called my mom to come get me. I saw her, I really saw her. And saw my self at the same time.
    Her apartment was full of color, stuffed animals, she even had a sexy poster of Eminem in her bathroom and had a music video album DVD of No Doubt, Gwen Stephani, who became one of my favorite singers. She kept a baseball bat by her door and a one of those older style TVs with the clear plastic frame so you can see the electrical insides.
    She told me her story, one of the first times I actually got to hear about her childhood. Her mother was a raging alcoholic and her father was kind but I never heard much about him. My mother has one older sister and two older brothers. As the youngest, she was never reared or spanked or punished in a physical manner and she showed my sister and I the same mercy which my father lacked completely. Her father's side of the family was thoroughbred Irish and her mother's side, polish.
    She skipped school a lot with a couple best friends, one of which was killed in a car accident, and the other one stays in contact to this day. She grew up on the east coast in Kingsburg, NJ. Any time she was caught with a boy, her brothers or father would chase him off so she never got to truly date anyone until she was 17 and 18 years old. She also took a road trip to Cali with a guy friend when she was in her early 20's, just like I did with Corey, my husband. Her older sister, my aunt, lives in Cali with her husband and they have two sons. We've been able to visit quite a few times and the energy of California pulls me in like a magnet.
    I never understood why they were married for seven years without killing each other, they were so completely different. Apparently the drugs brought them together and the drugs brought them apart. She couldn't give it up and my dad became holy since he did.
    The other night I had another breakdown that left me feeling much like I did that day I ran away. Recently I realized one of my psychological twitches was actually a thing, like an addiction. I have an addiction to relationships. Teal Swan wrote a nice long blog about this the other day, you can read it yourself, I tried to get the link but it's not working for me. If you are interested, read her blog titled "My Raw Yet Pristine Paragon". I just love the way she writes. Such an artist!
    This is called "Attachment Addiction" and if you know anything about the nature of addiction, you know that addiction can happen with anything from chocolate to porn, drugs, food, coffee, work, and even relationships. So I called the only person who I thought would understand and who couldn't judge me or belittle me... I called my mom.
     I told her that, just like she was addicted to the only thing that made her feel good, meth, I was addicted to the only thing that made me feel good, relationships/attachments.  My mother has been in and out of my life for 23 years. That took a toll on my young, fragile mind and I think, in some way through my addiction, I've been searching for my mommy. That fractured part of me, that little child who just wanted to know where mommy went, has been crying out in all of my relationships. And it makes sense to me now why my relationships have always turned out so badly.
    The reason I say that I have an addiction to relationships is because once I started having relationships, I never wanted to be without one. I would go to great lengths to secure a relationship and even once I had one, I would lead other boys along to make sure that there would be someone waiting for me on the other side.. in case things went wrong. For a long time, the longest amount of time I would be single averaged around one week. Sometimes only a day or two days would go by before I had another boy to claim me, when in reality, I had claimed him and twisted fate to make him chase me...
    Mind you, I was only in high school, and I wasn't technically allowed to date guys but, y'know, at school you can pretend and get away with a lot more than you would think. I smoked weed, cigarettes, skipped school, had sex in school... lol some of my best friends don't even know that. But since my parents were so strict, I had to live it up somewhere. Now to think of it, at least at school I was in a much less dangerous environment than out of school going to parties and shit.
    Now that I am married, my addiction doesn't really mesh well with my life style. It's been causing all sorts of unexpected problems on a personal level and between me and Corey. I'm just glad that I've been able to understand what the core issue is and the more I let myself explore that part of me, the more I can love my self and the more I can recover, so to speak, and begin living a normal life.
    The other, dangerous part of this addiction is, I still try to woo men. It's not a conscious effort. My subconscious mind has become a master at this, to where it is nearly effortless to get someone to look at me... That's dangerous to my marriage. Can you see how this could be very damaging to my marriage and to Corey?
    For a long time I've tried suppressing and getting rid of this aspect of me but through all the torture it still lives and still drives me mad and still tries to secure other possible matches. That is just NOT ok. Even though at one time that was a great survival technique to getting my needs met, my needs have changed with my life but the problem is that that part of my mind has not changed at all. This is where I need help.
    My mother understood completely and even said that I was already on the road to recovery since I am seeing the addictive behaviour. That's the first step.
    See, suppressing the part of me that is so masterful at captivating and wrangling up mates doesn't make it go away. In fact, it just causes other problems. Like this completely explains my social anxiety. I never used to have social anxiety until I decided that part of me was bad... But if I never thought it was bad, I would never have been a match to marriage. I would have kept attracting random people and getting my self in to unmatched relationships all because I needed to not be alone.
    Now I can see how that part of me really helped me survive on an emotional level, but as my life has changed, I need that part of me to resign, to retire. But for that part of me to feel comfortable enough to resign, so to speak, there are some things that I need to do to show that I no longer need it for my survival and protection.
    That part of me does not trust Corey. Since the most important people in my life have always been transient, absent or impermanent, why would he be any different? Well, that's a valid thing to think. But it's been two and a half years and Corey has stuck with me thru hell and back, several times, I really don't think he's goin' anywhere! I know he is youthful and full of energy, he has some very strong views and ideas, his beliefs are different from most other's and isn't like any other guy I've every been with. Those are not bad qualities because those are the reasons I'm married to him!
    Corey also has a very sensitive nature to him, and is very loving and caring. It really hurts him when others get hurt and when he is misunderstood by those he loves. He will tolerate, but if you mess with people he cares for, it can be dangerous. But he is intelligent and prefers to win battles with words and artistic expression of his ideas. That's a good thing because I can know beyond any doubt that he would never physically hurt me. And that's a great quality.
    He will accept any one, but wants the same in return. He does not discriminate and treats others with equal respect until he is disrespected. Even then, however, he will still show kindness and forgiveness to those who disrespect him or belittle him. He is not afraid of confrontation but is afraid to lose the ones he loves.
    Come to think of it, he sounds a lot like my mom :) They do have a lot in common...
    Well there you have it... What a resolution. Perhaps now I can have some peace and the torn side of me can rest in peace, knowing I will be well taken care of.

   

Charge up for Spring!

    It's been about a week since I wrote last. Mostly because I haven't been feeling well. Food poisoning really kicked my butt.
    I woke today from a dream that gave me motivation to get moving ~~~ This morning I went for a jog. Something I've been itching to do but NOT in the frigid cold. The early February thaw is upon us and the mornings are warming. Today is a great day to start my fitness training!
    I recently bought a beachbody/shakeology program called PiYo (pilates + yoga). These programs are reminiscent of the P90X series. I've been dying to get some of the left over pregnancy weight (and greed/binge eating weight) off so I've given myself a great opportunity to do so.
    The past week has been super challenging health and emotion wise so now that I've gotten that shit out of the way, Im ready to start kicking this ass in to gear! Pardon, my french is poor, but I've mustered up a lot of energy to back this up.
    When you start new things in life, especially if you are moving out of a frequency of "stuckness", it may be difficult to really get up and make that first move. Sure signing up for the gym is easy. Getting that free visit with a personal trainer might be easy too, but going back and sticking with it is another thing entirely. You have to have some gumption, some real motivation to not give up on yourself and things that are important to you.
    Do you have trouble with motivation? I have a few tips that might lessen the burden and just might get you on your feet...
    I personally feel the number one problem with lack of motivation is HIGH EXPECTATIONS. Let's face it, we all want to be healthy, but if you expect yourself to go vegan tomorrow and join a fitness program tomorrow and you've been eating happy meals daily and havent been active in months (or years), then you may not succeed with your first try. That doesn't mean that you should give up though! Don't get me wrong, there are people who can make a decision and completely win at whatever they do, maybe some of us have had those kinds of experiences... But as we get older, we form habits and patterns and to just keep it 100, it's harder to teach an old dog new tricks. BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE. You know what it takes? DEDICATION. COMMITMENT. PATIENCE. COMPASSION. And to teach yourself new tricks, you need the same essential elements!
    What have I done to get to where I am? All I had was an idea. But I've incubated and stewed that idea for a long time. I've thought about getting active for a long time. I've thought about eating a healthy diet for a long time. I've thought about being an energy worker for a LONG TIME. I've also wanted to start waking up early for a long time. All of these ideas/dreams have kindof converged at about the same time, all coming together to help form the life I desire for my self.
    Start small. A good example is my wake up time. For me to live the life I want to live, I need to wake up early. I love the energy of morning time but since I was forced to wake up early for school throughout my child hood and young teen years, it hasn't been on my list of things to do since graduation. It's been 5 years since I was most active and woke up early in the morning. So one day I set an alarm for 6am. I thought, it would be nice to be able to wake up at this time. 

Transformation at it's Finest!

    The past couple days have been so eventful. Great transformation is occurring within the collective, within the universe and within each and every one of us. In a matter of two days I have been cleansed, I have been heart broken, I have come close to death (at least that's what I think), and I have recovered. Let me recap these two days.
    Saturday Corey and I went to a traditional Native American sweat lodge ceremony. It was powerful, and I felt super connected with these individuals I had never met in this life. I felt like I was meant to find these people. To be honest, I cant remember a lot of the details of what transpired in the lodge because it surpasses physical experience. That is the whole purpose of these events, to surpass the physical and connect with the divine, all that is. The process included opening the four doors, the cardinal directions.
    This was a very enlightening experience for me and for Corey and everyone involved as well. I recommend this but its not for everyone! Do some research on it before you jump in, me on the other hand, did not do any research. I thought, oh, it cant be much different than a sauna... YEA RIGHT. A sauna is like a sissy version of a sweat lodge. The traditional sweat lodge is like a small dome shaped structure that would, traditionally, be covered with hides. A fire is started outside the dome hours before you enter the lodge and big rocks are placed in the fire. In the lodge is a pit where the red hot rocks are placed and when everyone has entered in a clockwise circle to fill the lodge, herbs are brushed on the rocks for some wonderful aroma therapy. The doors are closed making it pitch black and then the water pourer pours the water over the glowing rocks, immediately making it super hot and steamy.
    The Lodge is a sacred place and upon entering you say, "All my relations", welcoming all your ancestors and spirit guides to be present with you in the lodge and assist you in healing and insight. "One heart, one mind, one spirit, one voice" is the chant before each directional door is opened. Very powerful stuff. So the four doors/directions...
    East is represented by the color yellow. The sun rises in the east and brings the day to life. This door represents the season of Spring. Rejuvenation, birth, sowing seeds of the crop, new beginnings and building. The East door also represents insight and disillusionment brought by the light. The question we were to ask ourselves was "What is your greatest gift, given to you upon birth?".
    The South door, the color red, is said to be where all life comes from (this makes me think of the root and sacral chakras [red and orange] dealing with sexual desire, fellowship and connection) and the season of summer. The sun is highest in the Southern sky, so heat and fire are also representatives of the South door. We were asked what our greatest fear was.
    West is the door of storms, destruction, death, erosion, and the season Fall. This may sound like a negative thing, however, destruction, death, storms and erosion are all natural occurrences in nature and are necessary for the wheel of life to turn in a balanced way. The question for the West door was "What has the greatest storm been in your life?"
    North is represented by the color white, the season of winter and the bear, who finds a cave and hibernates in the winter. What the bear's spirit tells us is when the life is harsh or we find ourselves alone, go inside to find comfort and safety. I also feel the north door encourages rest and reflection. Much like the trials of life, we must look inwardly for guidance when it cannot be found outwardly. We were not given a question for this door, there was such a large turn out for this event that we had already been in the lodge for almost three hours.
    This was by far the coolest spiritual experience I've ever had. Better than any hallucinogen. I've done my fair share of experimentation with "spiritual drugs" and it has continuously been my personal experience that there is no greater high than a natural one.
    Each question was asked and we were asked to each share our answer which is why it was such a long lodge. My greatest gift is the gift of sight and the ability to see beauty in all things. Often times people are illusioned and captured by the negative side and miss out on the beautiful side of things.
    My greatest fear is being alone. But I realized through insight that I actually have reinforced this fear. I have a habit of doing everything and taking care of it all, never wanting to burden another with the work and I am very good at multitasking at times when it's needed. There are times when I seem to be controlling since I cannot let another give their part or input. And most of the time this causes me to end up alone. The positive thing I got from this though is that once you realize these kinds of "distortions" or self reinforced fears/habits, once you realize them for what they are, that's when they really start to heal. You have to get all the way to the core for total healing to occur. This fear comes from my father. He was always working, always doing more and going beyond the call of duty so to speak to make sure ends were met and for this he was gone a lot and when he was home, he was distant and sometimes harsh.
    The greatest storm of my life passed just before my husband came in to my life. I was in a toxic relationship before I met my husband, one that no longer served me. It was a very destructive relationship. We both hurt each other beyond words and eventually things turned physically abusive. I thought I deserved it for what I had done... I was in a lot of emotional turmoil, asking myself why this was happening to me and what could I do to turn things around? One day I heard a phrase on the radio, a random song I've never heard since then that said, "you only get what you think you deserve". And with that harsh realization, I asked myself why I thought I deserved a hurtful relationship. It had to do with my lack of self worth and my practically non existent personal boundaries. I also believed that I didn't deserve someone to love me and not to harm me. But after doing some soul searching I pulled myself out of that cycle, I broke the chain and then along came Corey :) My life has been much different since then. Corey has challenged me to discover and reinforce my personal boundaries and re-member my self worth. I deserve to love and be loved. So do you!
    Later that night I got food poisoning. As if I hadn't lost enough liquids... I ended up dangerously dehydrated on Sunday and was contemplating going to the hospital which is really saying something for me. I do try to take good care of myself so I don't end up sick very often. But thanks to my mother in law, I'm feeling loads better today. She brought home a bunch of canned soup and Gatorade and made me a bowl to eat then said to get some rest while she watched Murphy. Before I laid down for a nap I did a quick energy make over with my new crystal wand and did the same for Corey this morning.
    This morning I woke from a dream that was very insightful. My favorite spiritual leader is Teal Swan. She's the forefront leader of the authenticity movement and has aided my spiritual growth since the day I found her on YouTube. She shows up in my dreams often. And I totally have a girl crush on her. Anyway... she was in my dream and was saying that now since she is completely within herself spiritually and centered within her purpose in life, others cannot bump off of her. She is completely going her own way, not basing her life off the actions, thoughts or beliefs of others. At least, that is the challenge of authenticity. You would be surprised to find out just how much your every day actions are based off residual life patterns and those who call themselves superior to you.
    In my example, it really messes with me BADLY if the dishes aren't done and I get on Corey about it too, but the reason is because I was literally abused if I didn't get the dishes done before my parents came home when I used to live with them. It really felt that way although they would deny treating me any such way. That's not the point though, the point is that, experiences we go thru leave residual pain that we may carry all through out our lives, creating experiences that reflect that pain as a result. Why? Because at the center of our being, we always desire wholeness and healing. And like said before, to heal the soul, we have to look all the way to the core.
    The last thing I remember before waking up is a strange person saying "The mind needs powerfully raw, uncontaminated ideas" just like the body needs raw, uncontaminated foods... haha, there's some food for thought.
    That's some inspiration for me to continue aiming to go vegan. It's been a process but I feel like that is what My Body desires. After all this purging it would be a sin to turn myself down. Since food poisoning I've been very sensitive to what foods I can eat... which is NOT a bad thing. What feels good with My Body is what I need. That is part of being self loving and listening to your body, your 'IN'tuition ;) So my path to going vegan is becoming clearer and clearer. It's hard to just go cold tofu vegan (get it? cold turkey ;) ;) lol but as a result of wanting to go vegan so much, I've seemed to created scenarios that allow me to do just that and more opportunities for making wise health choices have appeared in my life. So food poisoning may have been a blessing in disguise...

this is what the traditional sweat lodges look like!

https://youtu.be/oYjUIW0IzQQ (link to most recent Teal Swan video)

I would show you a pic of my wand but it doesn't want to be exposed lol sorry

This is a native american color wheel. Each Native american tribe has a different spin on the representations of each color and season, kindof like how religions are all very similar with very little separation between them... makes you wonder why the hell so many wars were started over religion...

Kings And Queens...

    We live in a very privileged society. It's true. We also live in a very suppressed society. This is also true. There are still kings and queens and slaves. But the crazy thing is we all have the role as king/queen and as slave. We hold both roles on a day to day basis. Let me show you.
    There are many things that people are paid to do for you. And you are paid to do things for others. This is how we live in a dualistic role society. This also goes for male and female roles. It used to be that women did not work outside the home and men did not cook for their family. There were very distinct roles for man and woman and there were very distinct roles for royalty and their slaves.
    The reason this came to mind today is, I recently found out that I may qualify for student loan forgiveness through the Obama relief act for student loans. There was an advertisement on Facebook by a law firm in Florida who, upon hiring them, would gather all the correct paperwork, fill it out for me, get the agreement set up and basically do all the dirty work... even though they specifically mention in fine print that you can, in fact, do all of this yourself. But for a nominal fee of $500 dollars they will do it all for you.
    Great! But why would I pay them $500 dollars to do something I can do myself? No way! I'll do the hard work finding out who my lenders and loan servicers are and what paperwork I need to apply for loan forgiveness. It honestly felt empowering to realize that I was actually taking the power in to my own hands.
    I feel like too often we pass off opportunities to take personal responsibility for our lives and our selves. We pay someone else to do our dirty work, much like kings and queens. Yet we still work a 9-5 job, doing the dirty work for another person.
    There's really nothing wrong with this, but it's interesting to think about. So if you are interested in finding out how to apply for student loan forgiveness, I will share the steps to do so when I get it all figured out. Just in case you want to take the power in to your hands as well! And do this while you can, these programs may not last much longer since Obama's last year is upon us!
    I also want to share with you the inspirational quote from my journal today. "I dream of things that never were and say, 'why not?'" by Robert Fitzgerald Kennedy. What is your favorite dream?
    There's a vision I get, like a day dream, but it feels more real. Its as if I'm traveling in time for a split second to experience this and I'm sprung right back to current time with a feeling of warmth and wonder. Its just a flash, but in this instant of vacation from current reality, I receive a lot of information: I'm in a market place with live music, it feels like India in mid to late afternoon; the sun is beginning to set. This is the best time to visit the market place since the heat of broad day can be crippling. I am exploring the vendors when I come across an intricately woven tapestry of red and gold natural fibers. Families are walking together, enjoying the comfortable atmosphere. There's a very clear energy here, pure even. This is why I also feel the setting is in India or Iraq, maybe even Egypt or Jerusalem. Those parts of the world are told to be where our race of homo-sapiens were born. It is very grounding and exciting to feel the movement of life, the rhythm of life.
    I feel this in my heart, perhaps it is a memory. If so, it is a very treasured memory. This is a perfect time to discuss memory. My whole life I've thought and have been told that all memory is stored in the brain. Science has proven that this is not correct. For instance, if you get a liver transplant, you may end up with memories that do not belong to you! Each and every cell of our body holds memory, and those cells make up tissues and those tissues make up organs and groups of organs make up systems in the body such the respiratory system or cardiovascular system and the digestive system. I said that I feel the memory of the middle eastern market place in my heart and on an energetic level, the heart is characterized by warmth, the colors pink, red, green and gold, love, and the heart is where grief is held. So when you hear someone say they have a broken heart, it is a very good expression of what that person is experiencing on an energetic level.
    Memory is held in all parts of the body, this is why soul memory discovery can be so incredibly healing and therapeutic. When you feel a pain in your body, ask it, as if you were asking a person in pain, "what is wrong, how can I help, how can I relieve your pain?", and see what happens for you. If you are open to hearing what your body may tell you, then you will get a message in the form of a vision, emotion, thought or another sensation that may help indicate what the pain needs to tell you. Well that's all for tonight. Bless you, and good night.

The World Didn't End After All!

    So I told you a few posts back that I've been given a wonderful opportunity to learn energy healing, but specifically, Quantum Code healing. I will tell you more about this particular technique another time because eventually I will be teaching this technique to people like you who want to pursue a career in healing others, or just yourself ;)
    Anyway, what I wanted to tell you about is my journey to becoming an energy healer. In order to heal, you must first be healed. That's just how it goes. Energetically, there is just as much sickness to be healed as there is on the physical level. Like with diabetes, cardiovascular disease, thyroid troubles and obesity; These are running rampant in the United States right now. You know what else is? Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, murder, etc. But all these things can be, and need to be, healed energetically as well as physically healed. What I'm suggesting is an integrative approach to illness including energy healing and prescription or natural medicines. In my book, I prefer natural medicine. Prescription medicine can actually prevent or block energetic healing which reinforces the need for and dependence on prescription drugs. Natural medicine mixed with energy healing can produce impeccable, life changing results.
    There are several types of energy healing such as what I am studying (quantum code healing), Reiki, meditation and guided imagery, dance, yoga and tai chi, acupressure and acupuncture are all considered energy healing modalities in my book. All of these have worked for me energetically. I have tried and enjoyed them all. But nothing has quite been as expanding as these past couple weeks while learning quantum healing.
    You see, to be a healer is to heal oneself and the possibility to aid others in their personal healing just comes naturally. If you wish to heal yourself or others, you can only heal being a healer. Once you take this path, in any form it may occur, you are going to deal with some pretty yucky stuff (energetically). And that's what I've been dealing with lately but I am sure glad of it. I feel better and better every single day! Now that's what I call LIVING!
    Well for those who do not comprehend the idea of energy healing, allow me to explain here in a mini lesson of quantum physics!
    Each and every person has an energetic field emanating from them called an "aura". So does every animal, every blade of grass, every tree, flower, insect, even the weather and the elements (fire, water, earth, wind), crystals, rocks, food, even countries and planets (and ours!) have very unique energy fields. Bacteria, fungi and each individual cell that makes your body appear whole, have a unique energy sequence/vibration/aura. And the coolest part, is that it's all connected! This is where the idea of "we are one" comes from! Because on an energetic level, WE ARE. Each living thing is unique just as each energy field is unique. To help you understand better, what if every human being was connected by an umbilical type of cord. "A living connection." That is how everything connects, it is a living connection of our energy fields, like an ocean connects all the fish to one another, touching each and every one!
    So now we know that on an energetic level, everything is connected, but not by cords LOL more like "chords" in a music piece - it is a vibrational connection. The idea I wanted to get to, is the idea that we are all connected and so when YOU start to heal, so does the world around you, it is a natural product of energy healing. If you've ever seen Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio and the chick from Juno, in the dream world they can maneuver the landscape and anything about the dream. As a master healer, you can do something like that too! As you heal, the people around you heal and everything starts to change because you are connected to everything! The world starts to look more beautiful as you heal. And the thing is, you don't have to be "sick" in order to need "healing"... If you have a feeling inside like you are "lost" or as if your life lacks meaning or purpose, then you are destined to be a healer and to be healed! You are called to raise the vibration of yourself, the planet and all that is!
    On another level, what it means to heal is to come in to your self, your being - to follow your calling and really become yourself. Not that you aren't you... but in some ways, you are not. For many of us, we are a product of our environment. We become the good little girl mommy and daddy want us to be. We become the American Dream or kill ourselves trying. We get a higher education and bind ourselves in mountains of debt because we think we have to in order to be successful. Or maybe you just wanted higher education, well either way, you're still going to be drowning in debt. At some point, we lose ourselves to the idea of what the society/our environment tells us we need to become. And as a result, our dreams die, we lose our imagination and fall in to the rat race - killing to make a living. ITS WRONG. And if you don't see what I am saying, then I'm sorry you wasted your time reading this, goodbye.
    On the other hand, if you had a feeling after reading this, an inner calling, then you may be called to heal, to be healed, to heal the world and heal all that is! To be a light bringer to the dark. That is a noble destiny, and one I intend to pursue. Any one with me? :)

 

Be Inspired!

    So I am anti-vaccines. Even though I got all the vaccinations (against my free will) and I am healthy, you may call me reckless, but I do not want my child getting vaccinated. That's not what this post is about though. My husband was required to get the Hep A vaccine to continue working in the food industry. He was upset that he was basically forced to get this vaccine in order to keep his job. Well that's not what this post is about either LOL lets get to the point, shall we?
    When me and our son, Murphy, were waiting in the car for Corey to get the vaccine, I was just thinking, I need to go in there and save him! I need to tell him he doesn't need to do this, he can quit his job! So we march in there with our saviour cape and gown, when, low and behold he had already gone back to the torture chamber... Defeated, we walked over to sit at the nearest couch. It was a rather large waiting area, like a huge lobby with several seating areas including semi-comfy modern black couches and chairs with short tables placed between them. The ceiling was tall with some kind of natural lighting coming in which was nice. There were two levels with wrap around walkways hugging the large lobby. It was unlike any other health center I had been to.
    We sat down and noticed there was one of those cool wall water falls (pic below). Murphy was really entertained and wanted to get in. I sat on the ledge to keep him from jumping in the shallow collection pond. It was nice, though I have distaste for doctors offices (I think its the energy of the medicine or the hyper clean environment), with the help of the openness of the atmosphere and the delicate but large waterfall I was able to find peace and comfort here for just a moment. I saw a sign saying to please not sit on the ledge or get in the pond so I scooped Murphy up and we sat on another couch facing the first couch we sat on when we came in. On the table was a cutely painted, decorative wooden crate with a single magazine in it. I wondered where the other books had gone and as I did my eyes spotted a little book on the floor with a bright cover that looked like a picture of the galaxy. The title was, "Be Inspired!". I thought, well ok, and I picked it up to discover it was much more than a book, in fact, it was an empty journal! Now, for a writer such as me, THIS IS GOLD!
    I was desperate to get home to write in it (because I didn't have a pen on me). On the inside of the cover there is a note that says, "Always a gift, never for sale" from the Little Free Library. It is a place where you can trade books in for others. Awesome! The note continues to say, "writing is evidence of reading, enjoy!". As far as I am considered this was a gift to me from the Universe! Thank you, Universe, I am inspired to write in this journal! On each page, front and back, there is a new quote to write about. The quote on the first page is a quote from Albert Einstein. He is an inspiration whom I also share a birthday with, the quote goes, "A person who never made a mistake, never tried anything new". What was the best mistake you ever made and what were some of the things you've learned from it? The best mistake for me was getting married! Haha, let me explain my case. Getting married is the single best choice I've ever made. The reason I thought it was a mistake was how soon we married after we met. I was certainly in love with him, but I was worried, most of all that I would hurt him... Which I have hurt him... and he has hurt me as well. "The thing about love is, every one is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth hurting for", a quote by Mr. Bob Marley, RIP <3 another amazing inspiration.
    For me, there are so many past choices I've made that were at one time, considered to be mistakes, that later turned out to be a blessing in disguise! I no longer look at those actions as mistakes. They were choices I made and I've learned at lot from them all. In fact, no action is a mistake when you are grateful for where it brought you.
    To help you try to see what I see, a mistake is simply an action you took, a choice made. Release all negative judgement towards yourself for making a choice that was already hard to make to begin with!!! There is no true right and wrong from a perspective of unconditional love. Part of me says I am being self-righteous or "holier than thou", sorry if you feel that way, but as a proud Pisces I am  psychic and can quite readily access other dimensions and perspectives. From God's perspective, there are no true mistakes, there are no true wrongs. Let me set this straight for all those who feel condemned; GOD DOES NOT JUDGE YOU. IN FACT GOD HAS NO JUDGEMENT AT ALL.
     If you feel as though you have made a mistake, you can be sure you have not seen the whole picture. One day, you may just be glad you made that mistake.
    Please don't think of me as insensitive, one day, you may look back and think the worst mistake you ever made was the best damn idea since pumpkin pie. From my experience, that's how it goes. There are a lot of things I have regretted in my past, but right now, in this moment, I am grateful and happy for where life has brought me. I have no room left for regret. All the mistakes and choices I've made have lead me to this place, to this state of joy and peace, and for that, I am great-full. Hallelujah! Thank you God, thank you God, thank you GOD!

The waterfall looked a little something like this.

And here is the cool journal I found!!! No coincidences! Thank you Universe!

Miracle-workers

    We live in a universe where the energy we hold attracts and creates what we experience, we can bring some amazing events into our lives by just noticing the abundance that surrounds us. It is commonly expressed by some people that they are, "broke", "funds are tight", they say. That may be true. But what are you resonating with in your day to day life to change that?
    Recently, the idea of abundance has been visiting me often. I caught myself saying, "I have an abundance of sweatshirts", when doing laundry today. "There is an abundance of dishes in this kitchen", when cleaning dishes and now that I think about it, there is an abundance of baby toys in this house. This makes cleaning up the toys, doing dishes and laundry much more humble experiences and by noticing the abundance that surrounds me, I also experience great-fullness and appreciation. I've also been experiencing an abundance of health lately with lots of delicious fruits and vegetables. You know, there is an abundance of water on the Earth. We will never run out. There is an abundance of land and air and animals and humans!
    This is actually bringing more and more abundance in to my life because I resonate with it. So naturally I will experience in my day to day life, abundance and things to be appreciative for. Where you plant your focus, a seed grows. So that means what you focus on grows. If you focus on lack and it haunts you day in and day out, then you are caught in a whirlpool of lack. You will subconsciously create lack in your experiences because there is momentum and strong energy behind being broke. Well if you are in that scenario and would like to instantly resonate with abundance, admit to yourself where you are at. If you find yourself lacking in every area of life, you can honestly say, "I have an abundance of lack in my life right now".
    Did you feel an energetic shift when you read that? That's because you beat the odds of the whirlpool. You stopped the whirlpool! That's how strong you are! There was so much forward momentum behind the idea of lack that you saw it everywhere you looked and adopted it as your reality. What you really truly desire is to be abundant and you didn't realize that you have an abundance... an abundance of lack. Once you admit to your current status and no longer resist it, then you begin to beat the odds. You change your fate! You change your life and you change your experience.
    Incorporate this in to any area of your life that you can. Admitting to and being realistic about where you are in life instead of living in resistance to where you are will set you free to focus your energy in the direction of your desires. Abundant blessings to you all!

An abundance of clouds, an abundance of cars and trees and homes! :)

There was no "day two"

    Well, I'm disappointed to say that I discontinued my fast. I started out on day one with a lot of energy, excited I was finally able to do a liquid fast. But this shit is not for the faint of heart.  One day was plenty for my body to cleanse. Now it is time to restore my body. Although I am no longer solely liquid fasting, I am going to continue eating light portions and incorporating healthy foods in to my daily routine. During this fast, even though it was only for one day, I have learned a lot. Fasting is not just about cleansing and losing weight. It's about discovering what it really is you want in life! Think about it, if you fast, you have to make a lot of choices and say "no" to a lot of your urges. Fasting helps with self control and dedication to yourself. Its no wonder some areas of the globe, fasting is a ritual act that is done very regularly. I think I may do a liquid fast once a month as a personal ritual to manifest good health and to stay on top of my personal desires. Often times in life we can become confused to our purpose here and what it is we want in this life. Rituals like fasting may help refine and define these things for us.
    That single day of fasting was so tough, and on top of it, about half way through the day I got a head ache that lingered until I fell asleep. When I woke up I was ready to eat. I decided one day was a success, and I was ready to make healthier choices. I didn't want to torture myself any longer! Haha
    So I started writing this blog yesterday, today would have been day three, but my attention was elsewhere so I was unable to complete the post last night. There are, however, some exciting things I want to write about, concerning my training to be a healer.
    My guide instructed me to purchase a pendulum. A common tool for divination but one I was totally unfamiliar with. I have a little activity for you to try. Find a piece of string, like yarn. Tie it to your favorite ring or use a washer, or just something you can use as a light weight on the end of the string. Hold it in your hand between your fingers, however is comfortable for you. Place your elbow on something sturdy and dangle the weighted string in front of you and leave a space of a few inches between in and the surface you are working at, like a table or desk. Now tell or ask your pendulum to move back and forth. You may feel a warmth flow through your arm and hand from your head as it begins to move. You can move your eyes back and forth to kind of push it to move. That is using telekinesis, moving something by just the power of your mind. Pay close attention to any emotions, feelings, sensations, changes within or on your body. It may be an indication that you have made an energetic connection with the pendulum ;)
    That is how to use a pendulum. When you begin working with pendulums, it is an easy way (in comparison to tarot or runes) to connect with the subconscious mind which is connected to the collective conscious of all there is. That is how spirit(s) can communicate with you through divination. Same goes for Ouija boards. People are so afraid of them... Personally, I've always been intrigued by them. Pendulums are able to answer yes or no questions and can indicate if there is a blockage of energy not allowing an answer to come through and if the answer is undetermined. The pendulum is an extension of your power, use it wisely and with respect and you will have a great relationship with your pendulum.
    For my work, I found an Angelite pendulum. Angelite is a pale, soft blue stone that is extremely old. It was discovered only very recently, however, and is not hard to find in new age stores across the world now. I found my first piece (or it found me) a year or so ago. A thick heart shaped piece that fits in the palm of my hand. When I saw the pendulum at the store, I actually thought it was blue lace agate which is another pale stone that is characterized by light blue stripes and between the stripes is blue translucent to transparent crystal.
    Theis pendulum, however has none of those qualities; why it was hiding it's identity to me is a mystery lol but just like the heart piece I have, the pendulum is an opaque cornflower kind of blue with little white flecks and milky swirls. Some pieces of Angelite have areas with a tinge of orange or brown as well. I posted a picture for you to see what they look like, but until I had both of them in my hand together I didn't know what it was I had actually found. When they touched, it was like they connected as long lost friends would embrace one another and cry joyfully in their reunion. I watched this occur on an energetic level and it was truly amazing and beautiful. I was throroughly and happily surprised!
    Apparently, Angelite is called to work with me on the path of a healer and that is very exciting for me, as this stone is actually quite perfect for divination and channeling and contacting angels! (go figure)

Day One, Liquid Fast

    I woke up this morning super energized and ready to start my first day, first time liquid fasting. The bone broth cooked for well over 10 hours, stewing and bubbling. It tastes AMAZING. I've never had bone broth before, but this is some heady stuff. Also I made a delicious green juice cocktail, I will share the recipe below.

•    3 medium apples (I chose McIntosh apples, very sweet)
•    Two arms of celery, washed. 
•    One peeled orange
•    One peeled lemon. take any seeds out so you dont get those caught in the juicer.
•    One half of a cucumber
•    Four Kale leaves

    That was it! The best part is that my boys liked it too. There was plenty to go around. Last night when I did my shopping I also picked up a bottle of Ginseng extract so I added a dose to my juice which was about 30 drops. Ginseng is an adaptogenic herb which means it adapts to the needs of your body upon ingestion. Other adaptogenic herbs include Cannabis, Holy Basil, Reishi Mushrooms, Schisandra Berries, Eleuthero Root, and Rhodiola, according to the Mountain Rose Blog. Mountain Rose Herbs is where I like to order my bulk, organic health products. Anything from BPA free containers, to coconut oil, herbs and bentonite clay. The selection is phenomenal and the quality is just as great.
    So there you have it. So far, so good. The amount of bone broth I made should actually be just enough for my fast, so that is pretty exciting as well. It did turn out a bit fatty so when it was strained (twice) into a container, I scooped out the top layer of fat that had separated from the brothy goodness.
    A minor headache began a little while ago which slowed me down a bit. Ready to relax, I put a balancing blend* in the Essential Oil (EO) diffuser and dabbed it on my throat as well. That headache is dissolving now and Im feeling my energy return. Its amazing how much I can feel my body. Its working very hard with me on this fast, for that I am great-full.
    Let me talk a moment on gratefulness. When we are grateful, we are greatly full of happiness and joy. Thankfulness and appreciation bring us in to the moment. They are tools to living a joy-full life. So, with great-fullness I will complete my fast. Already I feel wonders within my spirit. This is the single best idea I've had in a LONG time. Since the body is made up of 55-73% water, hydration is super important. With this fast, I will be removing toxins and replace all of the liquids in my body with healthy liquids.
    The Earth, while we are discussing water, is about 71% water and 29% land. We are a reflection of the very Earth we live on! Imagine if there was no water here, or if the waters were poisoned. The function of the planet and everything on it would be slowed if not completely halted, and operate very poorly. The same goes for US and OUR BODIES! It is a huge responsibility to make sure your hydration levels are good and that you aren't putting toxins in your body! Again, a big responsibility, but if there is a will, there is a way. And it helps to educate yourself about things like GMO foods versus Organic, Fluoride, pesticides and other toxic chemicals that end up in our food.
    Let me tell you, through my studies there are a couple things I've learned that I want to tell you. Many disease today is caused by stress, poor nutrition, and hormone imbalance. Life style diseases like diabetes, obesity, and heart conditions are skyrocketing. PCOS is another common disease caused by hormone imbalance. Stress related sickness like depression and anxiety, OCD and more are becoming far too prevalent in our society. There are a few possible reasons why... Most of the house hold cleaning chemicals and detergents, personal hygiene products, and pesticides, fungicides used on conventional crops have one thing in common: they are ESTROGEN BASED CHEMICALS.
    HELLO?! Cancer lives off estrogen!!!!! If that's not sounding alarms for you right now then we are DOOMED lol. Let me help you understand the gravity of the situation. GMO foods are full of insecticides to repel bug who would, in a natural cycle, feed off the plants. The top soil in the world is diminishing in quality meaning the crops have less nutrients in them. Not to mention the synthetic fertilizers being used on the soil. All that goes right in to your food. Its BAD. If you just said, "its not a big deal" YOU are part of the problem. Awareness needs to be brought to these situations and quickly before we kill the planet and ultimately, ourselves. This is why I am proud to do a liquid fast and I made sure to spoil myself with all organic fruits and veggies.
    Well, that's the end of my soap box, below are some pics I took of the juice cocktail I made today and the beef bone broth. I celebrate my courage to liquid fast with great-fullness and abundance!
Cheers!

Yummy green juice! My son and hubby liked it too! SCORE!

The recipe I used made just over one pint of broth. I shared the recipe in the blog preceding this one.

I Feel Good! I Knew That I Would!

    Wow, this is day two of no smoking... I quit smoking cigarettes! This year, I hadn't made a resolution... I wanted to see where this year was going to take me. And I can tell, this is going to be my healthiest year yet! A favorite quote of mine by Mark Twain " Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times." and he is so right.. it's easy to quit when you are motivated to do so. But habits are habits and when you rely on something to relieve your stress, like cigarettes, when the stressor or trigger returns, so does the habit. Well, this time is for real. And its never been easier to quit. I'm so focused on my health right now and I know if I light that cig, it's going to make me feel really icky. For those who do smoke, you know how when you don't get to smoke for a while it makes you dizzy when you do get to smoke again? Well not only do I get the spins but I get nauseous, have difficulty breathing, and I feel my body trying harder to operate.
    Smoking tobacco was once a very sacred experience with spiritual ceremonies with peyote and ritual pipes. Now there are many toxins in modern cigarettes and has become a product of consumerism. If you feel fine when you smoke cigarettes, by all means, if you feel no reason to quit then you don't need to. But this is a personal experience and I, personally, can no longer smoke. This is a new chapter in my life, an important one. So in honor of my health, I am also starting a liquid fast. I challenge myself to three days of pure, 100% kosher liquids!
    A liquid fast will usually consist of a lot of water, some kind of broth, and juicing. I recently got in to Shakeology so That will be my breakfast each morning with coconut milk. Then for lunch I will make a special juice concoction and dinner will be my home made bone broth. Teas and water throughout the day when my body needs it. This is for cleansing and restoring balance within my body. I hope three days will be a good start. I would love to extend the fast longer if possible, but I feel comfortable with three days. Adding turmeric, ginger, spirulina and ginseng to the juice cocktails will aid in detoxing and healing my innards.
    Bone broth is especially good for the gut. Bone broth contains collagen which will heal any tears or rips in the intestines, which is actually quite common in current society due to poor diets! So Im giving this a shot. I feel very confident about it... what ever spirits are working with me right now are really giving me a confidence boost to my choices... particularly the choices I make to enlighten my quality of life. This is really happening and it needs to happen!
    Each day I will share how I am doing on my fast and what juice cocktail recipes I did for the day. My hubby got me a juicer for Christmas, so he gets some credit for making this possible for me. Thank you sweetie!!!
    So tonight I take my baby boy to Whole Foods market to pick up the ingredients I need for the following days to come. OH my GOSH I am just buzzing! My body is so asking for this cleanse, and I am ready and happy to comply. It's been quite some time since I felt so in tune with my body and my needs, this really feels great! Let me share the bone broth recipe, its super easy.
    Some super markets with a fresh meat section will hold on to the bones taken from meats they sell. Whole Foods being one of them. You can also ask your local butcher or if you are lucky enough to have a local farm, ask if they have any clean bones they can donate to the bone broth cause ;) Beef, chicken and pork are all acceptable for making broth, but I believe they all will have some different attributes and nutrients. Just a fun fact, may be worth looking in to. Here goes...

•     3.5 Lbs of beef bones
•     two medium size carrots, chopped
•     one medium size onion, chopped
•     two celery stalks, chopped
•     7 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed
•     water

    Put all vegetables in the bottom of a crock pot, put bones on top. Fill until covered with water. Cook on high for 8-10 hours, so that will be an over night gig for me. You can also add some savory herbs like rosemary, thyme, oregano, bay, black pepper, etc. for added flavor and healing properties! The more I talk about it the more excited I get!
    I also found a really great technique for saving bone broth in the freezer. Bone broth is a great medium for bacteria growth so it will only stay fresh for about 3 days in the fridge. One lady took what would be used in a few days time and put in a covered dish in the refrigerator. For the rest, she used silicone baking cups to put the cooled, left over broth in, set it on a baking sheet and set it in the freezer. Once frozen about 6 hours later, place in a large plastic bag or preferred container and, voila, you now have frozen serving sizes ready to thaw and drink for immune support or just a pick me up if you need a little boost to your nutrient intake. RIGHT ON! That is some groovy stuff!

Manifesto, Presto!

    In a previous blog, I mentioned that I quit school in search of free or cheaper education. My belief is that there are many things I am passionate about, I don't want to spend so much time and money on a 3.5 year program that will only cover one of my passions (alternative medicine). I want to find cheaper educational programs that wont suck 3-5 years of my life away because I cant pursue higher education in just one of my areas of passion.
    Well, I have some super great news: a friend of mine is a master healer in areas of energy, emotion, physical, mental and of the spiritual nature. She is on her way to being able to host a program that will teach others the path of healing. She also covers quantum physics, light, color, and sound therapy as well as using medicinal plants for healing clients. She has offered to take me under her wing and undergo the path of mastery for free! Yes, for free! Holy cow, I totally manifested that!
    Ok, now that I got that out, let me talk a bit about this whole "manifesting" deal. Manifesting is something that every human being and every animal being does. Literally every living thing manifests.Here is an example. A stray dog is caught outside in a rain storm. A human is driving down the road, sad because he/she lost a relative. The human sees the dog and dries the dog off. The human proceeds to warm, feed and/or shelter the dog. The dog had a need, and the human had a need. Their needs brought them to the same place in time. You see, manifesting is not exactly accomplished on your own since we live in an interconnected universe. Although, it may at times seem like you were the only one to manifest something, there are a bazillion factors that tie in to a single manifestation.
    So just like the dog and the human co-created their experience, so did me and my friend! Together we manifested the experience we are having together. Just like you reading this silly ol' blog is a co-creation between me and you. And we may not even know each other, heck, we may live across the world from each other, but we were still able to co-create this moment. "How is that?", you may ask. Well, as I said before, we live in and interconnected universe, there is only illusion of separation. I wont get in to that too much now, but a better way of explaining it is that we are all conscious creators of our experience on this planet. There is a "collective" conscience, which is what we call God. God is ever changing just like me and you. We are a reflection of God! In so many ways...
    Growing up, my father took me and my sister to church two, sometimes three, times a week. I do not claim to be Christian any more, because I feel like there is truth in EVERY SINGLE RELIGION. I take what feels best to me from each religious system (and from my own unique ideas about life) and apply it to my life. Like, in my belief, there is such a thing as reincarnation, but I don't believe in the caste system. I believe Jesus was the son of God because that's who we all are. Even the animals and plants and the furniture you are sitting on. All of it is made from God, through us. Well that's enough about my beliefs right now, although I will get back to manifesting for a minute before I sign out.
    Have you ever heard of the Law Of Attraction? Or LOA? There is a movie/documentary based on this idea called, "The Secret", which you can see a super long, drawn out explanation of the idea of manifesting or attracting. I watched some of it and fell asleep. Not really, I never fall asleep when watching a movie! But it got boring for me. Too much explaining for a concept that is not easily comprehended by the very limited mind. This is more of a concept understood by the spirit.
    Teal Swan is a spiritual leader in current society, a fabulous speaker and "representative" from Source or God. She explains very well, in a scientific way, the idea of manifesting and attracting based on the vibrations held within your body. The cells of your body, the organs of your body all hold vibrations and those vibrations can be healthy or distorted disease causing vibrations. This is what energy healers aim their efforts towards. Many things can heal distorted vibrations like super foods, essential oils, meditation and prayer, stress management techniques, etc. Energy healers can specifically locate distorted vibrations and help you move them in to a place of healing. It may take some time to experience complete transformation, just like when taking some medications, it may take a month of taking that medication to notice any difference. Same goes for energy healing.
    It's so cute how we humans expect instant results. You know, time is only a third dimensional experience, so on other dimensions manifesting literally does happen instantaneously! So right there is proof (to me at least) that we are multidimensional beings! We expect things to happen so quickly but alas, in the dimension of time, we perceive a span of time between our manifestations and the birth of their desire to come forth.
    You are special and amazing. You are a creator, a fragment of God itself. The other day was a rough day on me, emotionally and I messaged my friend (the one who is an energy healer) and said, "I feel like I fell and broke in to a million pieces. I wonder if that's how God feels about us..." I already knew the answer. Love and Light to you, may you find peace in all you do.
    Good night.

What the Fluoride?!

    I thought I would share my recipe for natural toothpaste today in light of the fluoride conflict. This recipe is subject to change since this was my first attempt. And this batch doesn't taste all that great. That being said, I suggest you go with your intuition here...

1.     For starters, you need a container. I used a clean baby food jar to contain my tooth slave.
2.     I put 2 Tblsp of Coconut oil in the container. Always go organic, unrefined.
3.     I then added about 1 Tblsp of Bentonite Clay.
4.     Next I picked an essential oil (EO) blend and added 5 or 6 drops, you can totally add more, I was just being careful not to add too much. Essential oils (EOs) can be overpowering if used wrong. 
5.     last but not least, I added a spritz of Apple Cider Vinegar.

    I collect baby food jars, they are perfect for my home made oils, salves and storing seeds. Coconut oil has a thousand benefits and uses. It is a really healthy fat and has natural antibacterial properties. If you've not heard of "oil pulling", I will briefly explain it. 

    Teeth are porous, teeth are bones. Coconut oil has the ability to penetrate these pores and cleanse from the inside out, taking toxins and bad breath with it. Some people do oil pulling instead of brushing. There are some really great testimonials out there claiming cavities have been completely or mostly healed within a month of dedicated, daily oil pulling. I would love to do that, but I have trouble dedicating 20 minutes a day to swishing coconut oil in my mouth. Yes, it is suggested to swish the coconut oil in your mouth for 20 minutes and spit it out in a trash can or outside. Dont want the oil going down your sink. 

    Bentonite clay also has a number of healing properties and is known for pulling toxins out of the body. It can be used topically or taken internally for this purpose. Do your research first!

    Choosing essential oils can be tough, there are many to choose from and they all smell amazing! However, if you're going to use oils topically or internally, make sure to use brands that are 100% Pure Therapeutic grade like DoTerra and Young Living. If you want to know what oils I use, comment below to request a consultation. Let's talk about Essential oils! I can help you choose what brand suits you best, what kinds of oils you may need most and how to use them. Clove oil is generally used in most toothpastes for it's excellent power of cleansing and healing the gums and teeth. Lemon and Peppermint are also great options for a natural tooth salve/paste.

    Apple cider vinegar (ACV) is one of the best tools a person with a passion for natural health can have. I use it for so, so many things. Yeast infection being one of them. A natural hair detangler and PH restore-er, it brings softness and shine to your hair without damaging the PH levels like many shampoos and conditioners do. It can also help with dandruff. ACV is also a good facial cleanser for acne. A tip before you use it though, ALWAYS MIX HALF AND HALF WITH WATER. ALWAYS. I also use it for mouth wash. The taste doesnt bother me too much. When I was cloth diapering, I also used cloth wipes (HUGE MONEY SAVER ON A TIGHT BUDGET WITH A BABY) and made a natural wipe solution using a little ACV, water and EOs. I prefer using natural ingredients for my baby's health care for many reasons. I'll get in to that another day. I PROMISE! Haha, Im super passionate about healthy living but I know there are some unrealistic ideas that health nuts advertise and it's not for everyone. I choose natural care products because I literally just love them. It makes me feel like Im doing something good for myself. I dont live a perfectly healthy life style, by any means though.  

    You know what else I love about Natural Health products? I can easily make them myself. It's a really fun creative outlet for me, and as a Pisces, creative outlets are a must. 

    So, fluoride is bad m'kay? lol yes, south park reference there. The big thing about fluoride is it's been said that it calcifies the pineal gland. A small gland in the brain that produces the dream molecule, DMT. As children we dream vividly and often. But the common complaint as people get older is that they dream less. For a long time, my sleep has been dark and dreary. But since taking measures to reduce fluoride intake and decalcify the pineal gland, I've been having more dreams at night. Some colorful and vivid, some silly, some scary. 

    Fluoride is a naturally occurring substance but not in large amounts, and the amounts found in tap water and toothpaste are small but still considered to be far too much than the body needs. Fluoride is found naturally occurring and is the 13th most common element on the Earth's crust. Fluoride is now found in concentrated amounts in tooth paste, tap water, and even bottled juice. 

    Want to avoid fluoride? Use natural tooth pastes, make your own! Its super easy. Some people use baking soda, I used bentonite clay instead. Although it's not always cheap, buy bottled water from natural sources. Figi water is Alkaline water from aquifers underneath the surface of the Earth. Distilled water contains no fluoride and I've heard all kinds of debates and conflicting info on the internal use of distilled water. I personally like it, use your own judgement and do your research. That goes for anything you do with alternative health care products like herbs, EOs, ACV, etc. It cant hurt to educate yourself. Personally, I feel better making personal choices after I've done some research about whatever the topic may be. Be it politics, alternative medicine, natural health products, etc. because its better to make a personal choice from an educated point of view than an uneducated point of view. I'll leave you with that. Im just here sharing my personal experiences and thoughts and ideas. Feel free to do the same.

    Peace!

The end of one thing, the beginning of another.

    Today I quit school. But I begin anew right here, right now. This was a huge decision for me but, Im confident about it and Im also confident that this is crazy; sacrificing this great opportunity to further my education and career, ya but, that education would cost as much as a house. And I would much rather buy a house. So, what if I can find free training programs like apprenticeships and free job training in fields of interest to me? There are so many things I want to experience in this life, and life is too short. I dont want to wait until I have a degree to start my career! Who else is with me on that?! Look, I would say that I dont have the time, but the truth is that I technically do have the time; Im young! But the point is, I wont be young forever ( I will be in heart  though! ). So, YES, this IS a crazy choice... but a choice that is forcing me in to the moment. And a choice that opens so many doors of opportunity.
    If you must know, I was in an online degree program for a degree in Alternative Medicine, a growing field. My belief is that Alternative Medicine is the medicine of the future, as it was the medicine of the ancient past... Plant medicine is my absolute passion. But it is one of many passions that dwell within my soul. I have a passion for birth and motherhood; I am a mother of a beautiful son. Pregnancy and birth are utterly magical experiences. I will share our birth story another time.
    I also have a passion for outdoor labor/living. My father never had a son, he was blessed with two beautiful and intelligent daughters ( if I say so m'self ), so when it came to working outside, he called upon his daughters. My sister was more academically inclined than I, I just had no time for books. I liked to play with moss, peel it up from the earth and feel it in my hands and sometimes move it to a better location for whatever reason. Supposedly the Native Americans would use moss to diaper their babies. Unheard of in today's society but, moss has some great benefits. Completely natural being one of them and antibacterial and anti fungal as another.
    I also liked collecting rocks and picking the wild flowers that grew in the front yard ( the ones my parents called weeds, and some of those same "weeds" I've learned have some great medicinal properties!!! ). Now, as life would have it, I am a collector of crystals and a novice herbalist.
    I was a pro at catching frogs, lizards, and salamanders. Those tasks are just far more important than reading a silly old book ( in the mind of my five year old self ;) yet now, I am an avid reader. Yes, my sister turned me to the dark side LOL, nah, what did it was reading a damn good book and realizing how adventurous one has to be ( and dedicated ) to read a whole book! I'd once heard books described as, "world windows", in this adorable book called A Dragon in A Wagon. The beginning goes a little something like, "when you read a book, you experience what is written in them as if it is really happening". I find this to be true.
    So needless to say my dad didnt get much done outside. Haha, just kidding. Eventually I grew big enough to wield and ax and chop wood, stack wood, and bring it in to start a fire in the fire place. I grew and I grew and I grew. No body came crawling across the floor in the middle of the night while I slept to rock me and sing to me though. If you didn't get the reference, you need to read I Love You Forever. Another children's book. But I learned a little about gardening from my step mother as well, when I was a little less distracted by frogs and lizards of course ;) I also did a fair share of lawn mowing, and no, I didn't get to use a fancy shmancy riding lawn mower either. My father got one after all the kids moved out though. Haha...
   But there was something about being outside and working outside that I just... miss. I think it was the presence of nature that I felt, like every tree watched as guardians while I played. I wonder if the trees are jealous that we can walk. The ones in Lord of the Rings aren't... well anyways, there is a feel to nature that you can sense when you spend enough time with it. It's like, the more time you spend with a person, the more they show you who they are. Same goes for Mother Nature.
   I feel in the age of technology we have become disconnected from Nature. I sure have. At the age of 17 I moved out and have since moved further and further from Nature. My parent's home lives in the heart of the woods near a small rural town called House Springs, though I attended school in the Rockwood School district of Eureka Missouri. A town renowned for the Six Flags that floods tourists in. Its a small town, growing every year, but it thrives from the theme park as it's life blood.
    My husband, our son and I live just north of St. Louis now. City life certainly has it's perks, I will say. But my heart yearns for the day I come home to my family in a log cabin in the woods.
    Well I'm going to bed but, before I sign off here, I want to say that there is much more to life than you could possibly know. I'm not going to sit here and encourage you to drop out of school, but if your heart isn't in it, why continue doing it? There are plenty of things to fear; how will your parents/family respond, how will they look at you? Will you find what you are looking for? Well you know what, if you're going to follow your heart, it doesn't matter one bit how people look at you or perceive you. Dont sacrifice a dream for the impressions of others. Dont waste your time here.
    Good night.