If this is you right now, if you are reading this, I have something to share that might just help you identify the silver lining.
The chances are that if you look over your life you will see a pattern of "escapist" tendencies. The chances are, you're a lot like me.
What I mean is that if you feel out of place, you've been running from life like its the plague. Avoiding, at all costs, life itself and have made death and depression your best friend.
Seriously, think about it. Do you have trouble making decisions, but when there is a choice to be made, you hate it when others try to make the choice for you?
We demand our freedom but have no idea what to do with it. So we run. We never completely apply ourselves to life.
Because, face it, life DOES NOT happen to you, YOU happen to life.
When people are in need, do you want to help them? Of course, you probably do. That's natural. Empathy is NATURAL.
Why do you think that when a baby cries, if there are any other babies around, they cry too? Because we are born, naturally sensitive to emotions, naturally sensitive to life and those around us.
This undeniable calling, or longing for belonging... is YOU, your deepest most suppressed self, dying for connection to life.
Here's my story.
I'm a mom. Married to my best friend.
You know how, as best friends, you fight and come back to loving one another even more than before the fight? Well, that's how me and my hubby are. Happily ever after, right?
The problem is, there are some things going on in our life that have been making us super unhappy.
We live with his family because we are struggling to find our place in this world. To really make it.
It's hard living in a seven person home where everyone has different beliefs about house keeping, raising children, work ethic, responsibilities, etc.
So, for a long time, this home has not been very peaceful. It's been more of a contest of who can bottle up the most emotion and who can explode the biggest and baddest when the pressure snaps.
Instead of aiming for connection, peace, love and understanding, we all were secretly hating our circumstances and being excellent escape artists.
This invited in a horrible accident. Someone in the home was recently injured very badly from a firework explosion.
Suddenly, everyone's roles in the home have changed dramatically.
There are plenty of cons to this incident but with my mind, I always, always look for the pros, the silver lining.
The silver lining is, when accidents like this happen, it pulls everyone together OR ..apart..
Love brings people together and despite our differences, we all love each other very much.
Hate and illusion brings people apart, despite the love shared.
Well, there are times when I want to rip my hair out and just sit outside all day and never come in to deal with life on the inside... but we are pulling through this and on the other side, we will all come out stronger than before.
There's a realization I had before all this crazy stuff happened with the firework explosion.
I kept feeling like "I have to get out of here, I have to get out of here, I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!".
I was so unhappy because I wanted to run so badly. Emotionally speaking, I could escape what was happening, but I could never physically run away from the stress of living here. And I saw more and more, that by trying to escape this situation, the more pain I felt and the more pain those around me felt.
I think it's because I feel the pressure of society. As adults, we SHOULD have it all figured out, we SHOULD be on our own by now. Now I know that those are nothing but LIES. None of it is true. We all progress at our own unique rate, and in our own unique ways....
Eventually I had to face the fact that no matter how hard we tried to move on, something was holding us back. And that something was LIFE.
I had to come to terms with the possibility that maybe we are meant to be here at this time and place. It felt ridiculous, it felt weird. It sounded INSANE in my mind because I thought it was the very last thing I ever wanted to do.
But now I really get it. If my husband and I had moved away before the 4th of July, we would not have been here to help our family get through this tragic time. We would have turned right back around and came home. Because we LOVE each other. We are here because of LOVE. We are here because we want to find resolution and compromise, peacefully, with our family.
So, if you are facing this same feeling, a gripping at your insides for belonging and connection, you may want to look at it differently... you might just be exactly where you are supposed to be.
The universe, LIFE, is trying to tell you that you are needed right where you are.
Let yourself immerse in that which you call home, dive deeply in to your circumstances, in to the "fire". It will burn... but its not a physical burn, its a cleansing fire of all that does not serve you, of all those grudges and illusions. It's an emotional, spiritual burn. It's also a very necessary part of true forgiveness.
There's no sense in holding a flag high that represents hate, illusion and fear. Fly a flag that says, I'm here to forgive and make peace no matter what I must or must not do, even if it means I must burn away my pride... All for the sake of Love, Joy and Peace.
