Ah, children... Living **PEACEFULLY** in a Community or Large Families

    The way children are being raised is changing. No doubt, every generation seems to be different in some ways. Why is that? Our world is changing with every generation, so naturally, so will the people and animals and even plant life. But what seems to be arising for the following generations is a way of raising children in awareness of emotions and feelings.
    Currently, we live in a household of 7 including me, my husband and our one year old son, my husband's brother and his two year old daughter, and of course, mom and dad, my in-laws. It gets hectic around here but I honestly love it.
    Seven is a recurring number for me. When my dad married my step mother - I think I was about 5 years old - my sister and I seemed to inherit three older siblings. Two brothers and another sister. There was such a difference in age and upbringing that we never truly got along or got to know each other, but some how the seven of us managed.
    Now, I find myself in another 7 person home/community. I never really noticed that until now... But it's pretty funny.
    The thing about communal living is, it will challenge you every day, every moment. It's tough sometimes living with lots of people with lots of different ideas and beliefs and ways of doing things. It's a challenge because a lack of compromise can quickly become the death of a community but when compromise is consistently met, it can become almost an artful way of living and beautiful at that.
    As I was saying at the beginning of this article, the ways of raising children are changing. Every generation is more and more privileged, more and more opportunities and materials are available to the young generations.
    With this comes a natural increase in overall education levels. Children have a wealth of information at their fingertips on smart phones and computers. Children are being taught to use computers at very young ages, possibly even first grade now. I know some of my young nieces, nephews and cousins are avid tech junkies.
    Beyond this is a silent controversy about child rearing and punishment. The reason I call it a "silent controversy" is because it's not politically correct and is otherwise offending to even speak about how to raise children. Honestly, WHY AREN'T THERE CLASSES IN SCHOOL TEACHING STUDENTS HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN? Is it because your parents are supposed to tell you those things, like the sex talk? Well, I never got the sex talk. Sex was an absolutely forbidden topic in my home.
    Let's face it, we are expected to know what to do when we have children. I've been told, "if you know how to make them, you should know how to raise them". Well FUCK you. Because making love is not just about making children, OKAY? Children don't come with personalized instruction manuals so it's actually quite cruel to expect anyone to know what the hell they are doing when it comes to raising children.
    So, while there is no instruction manual, it is almost taboo to talk about raising children like it is taboo to talk about sex. Why is that? Why do you think? Alright, my soap box is over... moving on...
    Child rearing is fading out. It may not ever be gone, but other ways of handling children are being introduced to the world. My mother, for one, was never physically punished in any way. So naturally, she didn't physically punish me or my sister and the one time she tried, she failed miserably and we ended up laughing about it.
    You know why child rearing is phasing out of raising children? It's the difference between a king leading his people by love or fear. You will sure condition a child in to minding you if you beat them when they do something you dont want them to. But if you give them undivided attention and unconditional presence, you will be there to guide them through whatever comes up, showing them love instead of making them fear you.
    Using fear is an easy way to manipulate others... but it's the most destructive way to raise a child, in my honest opinion.
    I am no saint. I will not claim that title because I have used fear to manipulate others. But at least Im willing to admit it and really see my actions in an authentic way. Every day is a challenge to love more and rise above the manipulation tactics and exercise my brain, my heart and my soul to find other ways of dealing with situations.
    Parents are now doing a lot more breast feeding, co-sleeping (where the baby sleeps with parents instead of a little cage somewhere across the room or in another room completely), baby wearing (putting the baby in a carrier instead of an obnoxious stroller), using natural wipes and cloth diapering, using "clean" or "green" detergents, not doing circumcisions, making home made baby foods with whole, unadulterated, organic foods, eating the placenta, natural birth/water birth/lotus birth, and so much more because we are becoming aware of emotions and feelings and vibrations and frequencies! It's a huge movement which can be partnered with the "new age" movement.
    More and more people are home schooling their children or doing Waldorf schools, free schooling, etc. Everything is changing when it comes to raising children. Im not suggesting public schools being wiped out or GMO foods being banned or child rearing made illegal and what not, instead, I am voting that for some day there will be a happy balance of all of it so that there are even more options available to every social class.
    A recent personal experience brought a lot of this up for me. So Murphy co-sleeps with me and Corey. That means he does not have a bed or crib. The reason for this is I don't want to be separated from my baby and I would wake up a lot sooner to tend to him in the middle of the night if he were right next to me rather than across the room or in a different room entirely.
    However, lately, my libido has been ZILCH. I just have no urge to be intimate with my husband. This has obviously caused some issues in my marriage because my husband seems to have an increased libido now that I have none. Inconvenient and annoying... But something had to be done about it. So I talked to my mother in law who suggested that maybe it's because Murphy sleeps in our bed. A wise thought indeed. Murphy is 14 months old now and as much as I would love to say we could go to a different part of the room or house to be intimate like the couch or kitchen or... its NOT OUR HOUSE and there are others here all the time so that's not exactly an option.
    So to make a story short, I purchased a small toddler bed, about the size of a cot and put it at the end of our bed. That has made things a little easier but at the same time, more cramped in our room. But I am happy with this decision because sooner or later, Murphy will catch on and possibly start sleeping there on his own without me having to nurse him. Plus he can climb up and down from it easy as pie. My whole theme of parenting is supporting independence and preventing trauma.
    My mother in law picked up on the fact that I base a lot of my decisions for Murphy on prevention of trauma. My question is, why aren't more people aiming to prevent trauma for their babies and children? All it takes is a little empathy... Which every human and animal has as a natural trait. That's why if you hold a high vibration of love, animals will be less likely to run from you. But if you hold a lower vibration of fear, animals won't think twice about dodging for cover from or flat out attacking you. This is most easily seen in cats and dogs. Seriously. Not kidding. Keep an eye out when you are with your pets and how they react to different people. You will be shocked at their behaviour when you try to empathize and understand it. Same goes for children.
    But you will never understand this unless you look for it. How could you know if something was there if you never looked?